The girl with the hidden anxiety.

photo by: me // painting by: Skott Marsi

She is the type of girl who will shout at a concert when no one is shouting and then laugh it away whilst covering her mouth with shyness. She is an anxious girl who doesn’t want to be discovered. However, she can’t help but try and have fun and overcome her anxiety. She knows she doesn’t want to feel invisible anymore. She wants to be a star too. No fears, no tears. So she holds tight to the idea that if she has fun everything is possible, even if the butterflies in her stomach try to destroy her. They’re not those colorful butterflies that appear when you’re in love. Hers are grey, old butterflies who neglect their colors; they’re unable to fly. But, she will decide to close her eyes every time she gets another panic attack and realize that she has been there before and the walls didn’t cramble down on her. She will know that if she closes her eyes and breathes even when she doesn’t feel air coming in or out off her body she will still be breathing. She will smile and laugh and feel like nothing changes; because her anxiety does not define her. She is more than that. 
She is that shy girl at the concert. That girl that smiles even when there is more darkness than brightness in her life. That girl that loves herself enough to battle with her own enemy. She knows she already had enough of it. She will open her eyes and do it; she will find the light that is coming. She will win. 
©Claudia Hernández

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